Quick trivia question: How do 89%* of all people get to and from the grocery store? Hot air balloons? Horseback? Pogo sticks? Time’s up! The answer is in cars. And assuming the people driving these cars have to have a driver’s license (one would hope, at least), this means that, in theory, these people have to follow the same rules of the road so as not to drive into a ditch. Right? *OK, I made that number up, but I’m sure it’s a big percentage.
There are many similarities when you’re on the road, or in the grocery store. When you’re inside the store, how do you carry all of your selections of Slim Jims, jars of kale jelly, and flavored water? Maybe in a basket. Maybe in your hands. But it’s probably in a grocery cart. Carts have four wheels, and so do cars. You have to “drive” the cart to get from point A to point B in the store, just like a car on the road. Similar rules should apply in both cases, right? Well, let me tell you something—people are more likely to drive like clueless idiots in the grocery store than on the roads (and here in Texas, that is saying something!).
I am one of those odd people that actually likes going to the grocery store. There is order in it. There is a sense of the “hunter and gatherer” mentality collecting items to sustain yourself and your family. You serpentine up and down the aisles, checking things off of your carefully-prepared list. You know where everything is, and you know which order you will find items in each aisle. And if stupid people don’t block the aisles, run into the back of you, let their kids jump from cart-to-cart, or shove your cart out of the way so that they can get that 4th bag of pork rinds going to the grocery store can be therapeutic, even zen. Ooohhhhmmmmm…
But NOOOOOOOO. In this day and age, if you are stuck having to make the trek to the grocery store during peak hours (which nowadays with 24-hour everything, could be any time at all), you are doomed to a parade of stupidity, rude behavior, and just plain ignorance that boggles the mind. How these people don’t fall down more—or get pushed down by people like me—is a miracle.
On a recent trip to the store for 15 or so items (OK, so it turned into 34, so what??), I was amazed at the long lines just to get INTO an aisle. Yes, I had to stand in a cue just to get into the cereal aisle. Paired with people who were more interested in catching up with acquaintances in the middle of the canned food row, those too busy texting or talking on their phones to notice that they were blocking the entrance to the cheese section (that’s dangerous with someone like me who loves her cheese), or my favorite, pondering the 18 varieties of freekeh with their cart parked horizontally across the aisle, and I almost got taken out of there in handcuffs.
Like when I am driving, I can be going happily along my merry way until someone does something stupid and then I lose all sense of decorum and clean language. Unlike when I am driving, I cannot start yelling at people when I’m standing in the frozen food section. When I’m in my car, others can’t hear me telling them that they are a douchenozzle (new favorite word—feel free to use it), but I feel better having blown off that immediate head of steam. Pointing out with colorful language the stupidity of the woman throwing cans of candied yams into her cart from 5 feet away—over my head—will likely get me b*&$#-slapped, or in Texas, shot.
So… For everyone’s sake, sanity and safety, I think the new rules of the grocery store should be like when you are driving your car.
1. Stay to the right side of the aisle unless passing a parked cart.
2. Do not park your cart horizontally, blocking the aisle.
3. If you have to leave your cart to go in search of an item, park it in front of something that no one cares about, like rice cakes.
4. If you see me coming, don’t make eye contact, and just remember the rules of the road.
This has been a public service announcement. If you need me, I’ll be in the wine section of the grocery store with a screw top bottle of wine and a large straw.
Ha! This is great 😉 Can I join you in the wine aisle???
I can always make room for other sufferers in the wine aisle. Haha
Interesting how you observed things on grocery store..hahaha..funny but it’s right though.. and I agree on point no:4 .. I’m stranger here and mostly people still looked at me like I am an alien! pppffff….
Also I hate when people just stop to looking for something in the middle of the “road” ignore that somebody is waiting to pass through.
Ack, this echoes far too many of my grocery shopping experiences! Can you please make this post go viral so everyone in America reads it and gets their grocery store shopping act together?! 😉
I think every person can relate, and yet we all are probably guilty of at least some of these. I say let’s send it out there for everyone to chime in on! LOL
Oh, man, Costco is the worst for this!! I actually dread going there because no one can figure out a system and the scary part is that they have huge aisles!! Now if only people would follow this advice!
Ha! Yes, park in front of the rice cakes! Does anyone actually enjoy eating those?
I know, right??? I think they are best used as frisbees. LOL
this was hysterical and SO spot on.people are STUPID, and should not be allowed to drive carts. If i get my ankles run into one more time I’m going to snap
I’ve seen kids playing baseball with a baguette and an orange. Seriously.
Wow you live somewhere pretty scary! I can honestly say I have never waited in a line to get into an aisle! Yikes. But I do know what you mean–I won’t go near Costco on the weekend for example. 🙂 Also…. kale jelly? Really?
Texas is scary for many reasons. LOL
There are jellies for everything these days! I’m sure we could come up with a crazy list without too much trouble.
Haha, this is great and so true! I love grocery shopping, but I hate the obnoxious people!
I think you just summed up my last five experiences at both H.E.B. and at the BigScaryMegaMart. But you forgot the families who show up with two Abuela’s, three Moms and at least five of the men-folk of the family (all of whom are ignoring the three to eight kids who are careening around the aisles like a pack of semi-rabid dogs.) Walking with carts side by side, then just stopping to talk to the next group they come across.
Yes, this is a normal occurrence at my local grocery stores. No. I don’t get it.
You’re in TX, too? HEB is the giveaway. 🙂 Yup, this stuff happens at our HEB all too often. Ugh.
My favorite is the people who must stand in the very middle or even far side of the aisle to look at the shelves of food, acting completely oblivious to the fact that three carts are waiting to get by them! I forgot about the super bowl rush – we went to Trader Joe’s yesterday and it was chaos, simply chaos. That said, I love grocery shopping too!
They. Make. Me. Nuts. I swear, I feel a grocery cart version of road rage building when people do stupid things! LOL
Grocery store courtesy has been the topic of two conversations with my eldest on recent trips to Costco. With it’s frequent turnover of items and numerous samples it is a haven for the inconsiderate. I explained to my son that when wanting to try samples or study the new items that the courteous thing to do is to move your cart to the side or further down the aisle and that these simple acts are lost on most people.
On a recent trip, a man trying samples had his cart angled in just such a way that there was only a small area through which to pass. However, he was standing in said area moving back and forth waiting for the sample to be ready. After a couple of attempts to pass I shoved his cart over and stated loudly to my son that we would discuss what being courteous to others meant.
It does just boggle the mind how people can be so oblivious to others. That’s why I’m here–to point it out in a public space! LOL
I have actually gone verbal rounds with folks in the commissary here at Belvoir. I HATE it when people leave their carts. Especially if there’s a kid in it! WTF? I am not afraid to tell people if they’re in my way in the commissary. However, I don’t usually notice disregard for the “grocery store rules” in other places, just the commissaries.
Trust me, the rules do not apply at any stores here, and I’m not a commissary shopper. I mean, don’t they know that we are important people and they should move out of our way? LOL